What are grief and bereavement?
Bereavement is the situation of having lost someone close: a partner, a parent, a child, a friend, sometimes a pet. Grief is the natural response to that loss. It touches emotions, the body, thoughts, relationships and the sense of who we are. There is no right way and no fixed timetable to grieve: for some people the pain comes in waves for months, for others it surfaces years later, around an anniversary or a new life event.
Grief is not only about death. A divorcio, a miscarriage, a diagnosis, the end of a career or leaving one’s country can bring the same mix of sadness, anger and disorientation. On this page you will find an overview of what grief can look like, what makes it harder, how therapy can help, and therapists from our network who offer support in person or online, in several languages.
Common reactions to loss
- Sadness, longing and crying that can arrive without warning
- Waves of anger, guilt, regret or relief, sometimes all on the same day
- Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, feeling in a fog
- Changes in sleep, appetite and energy; physical tension or exhaustion
- Revivir los últimos momentos o pensar en lo que se podría haber hecho de otra manera
- Alejarse de los demás o sentir que nadie entiende realmente
- Preguntas sobre el sentido, la fe, la identidad y el futuro
Estas reacciones forman parte del duelo normal. Por lo general, se suavizan con el tiempo a medida que la pérdida se integra gradualmente en la vida, aunque nunca desaparezca por completo.
Vivir el duelo lejos de casa
Muchas de las personas con las que trabajamos viven en el extranjero. Perder a alguien desde la distancia conlleva sus propias dificultades: recibir la noticia por teléfono, no poder despedirse, perderse el funeral por los viajes o los trámites, o regresar a un país de acogida donde los compañeros y amigos nunca conocieron a la persona fallecida. Además, el duelo puede tener que vivirse en un segundo idioma, lejos de los rituales y de la familia que normalmente ofrecerían consuelo. Sentirse aislado en esta situación es habitual y constituye un buen motivo para buscar apoyo.
Cuando el duelo se vuelve más difícil de sobrellevar
A veces el duelo no se alivia o se queda estancado. Entre las señales de que puede necesitar más atención se encuentran un anhelo intenso o una preocupación constante por la persona fallecida que no disminuyen después de muchos meses, la incapacidad de aceptar la muerte, sentir que la vida ha perdido todo sentido o evitar todo aquello que recuerda la pérdida. A esto a veces se le llama duelo complicado o prolongado.
Una muerte repentina, violenta o traumática también puede provocar imágenes intrusivas, pesadillas and strong ansiedad (see duelo tras un trauma). And grief can slide into depresión, with persistent hopelessness, loss of interest and difficulty functioning.
Cómo puede ayudar la terapia
Therapy offers a protected space to talk about the person who died and about the loss itself, at your own pace and in your own language. A therapist does not try to make the pain go away quickly; they help you make room for it while you keep living. Depending on your needs, therapy can help you to:
- Express emotions that feel too heavy or too contradictory to share with family
- Make sense of what happened and work through guilt or unanswered questions
- Find ways to stay connected to the person while adapting to life without them
- Rebuild routines, relationships and a sense of direction
- Address trauma symptoms when the death was sudden or distressing
Therapy approaches that can help
Asesoramiento para el duelo is often the first step. When grief is prolonged, terapia de duelo complicado offers a more structured approach. EMDR o terapia centrada en el trauma can help after a traumatic loss, while ACT, terapia narrativa y arteterapia support meaning-making and expression when words are hard to find.
Looking after yourself while grieving
- Accept that grief comes and goes; good days do not mean you have forgotten
- Keep a few simple routines: meals, sleep, a short walk, some daylight
- Create your own ritual if you could not attend the funeral: a letter, a photo, a candle, a call with family at the same time
- Tell one or two people what helps you and what does not
- Expect anniversaries and holidays to be harder, and plan something gentle for them
Complicated grief and grief after trauma
Most grief slowly becomes more bearable over time. Duelo complicado, now described as prolonged grief disorder, is diagnosed when intense longing or preoccupation with the person who died lasts much longer than expected (at least six months in the WHO classification, twelve months in the American one) and makes daily life very difficult: entumecimiento emocional, difficulty accepting the death, avoiding reminders or feeling that life has lost its meaning.
Duelo tras un traumatismo, or traumatic grief, happens when a loss was sudden, violent or witnessed, such as an accident, suicide or a death during a disaster. Trauma symptoms like flashbacks can then block the natural grieving process. Grief-focused therapy and trauma approaches such as EMDR can help; see also terapia de duelo.
Cuándo buscar ayuda
Consider talking to a therapist if grief is stopping you from working, sleeping or caring for yourself, if months have passed and nothing seems to move, or if you feel alone with the loss. If you have thoughts of ending your life, contact your local emergency number (112 in Europe) or a crisis line straight away.
